unintelligible mind

well, i let drama and stress pile up on me, and what do i do? i ruin everything.

even though half of it ..actually most of it isn't my fault, somehow i, myself, and others blame me,. mostly because i'm a pushover. i don't know why i let people get away with shit they do to me. and just me trying to be more aggressive with all of this other shit piled on me just made me flip out. honestly i had nervous breakdowns, and everything. and i just couldn't stop. basically i have this one friend who just doesnt want to talk to me anymore even though they say we are cool i know for a fact we are'nt and it really sucks because i really wanted things to go smoothly. hopefully they'll give me another chance. other friend of mine cares more about drugs and this kid she doesn't even care about than anything else right now, and honestly i can't stand it. way to cause some major drama. i don't need it, really.and i don't really want to be alone right now, i want to go out somewhere and get my mind off things, i don't even care where, as long as i'm with someone i can talk to. someone just to tell me everything will be okay. i'm not going to sit her and full out say "oh my life sucks" i mean it's not that bad, yes i have problems and chicken shit bull shit i have to deal with but there are people who have it worse. way worse. nobody really understands me. i'm seriously like 5 different people packed into on body.i wish it was easier for me to speak my mind so even my friends could understand me. ive decided to be more open minded. by the way. stop talking shit, it's getting you no where. i might as well go draw or something.

Currently Listening De-Loused in the Comatorium By The Mars Volta see related

Hello,

I decided to update this a whole year later. I rather not express my feelings on myspace. What a waste of time. I know nobody will read this, mainly because i don't update xanga ever because i let myself have a myspace [gay] I don't like my xanga name, but what do you expect from an 8th grader [yeah i made this a long time ago] im in 11th grade now and everything just turned to shit today. My boyfriend or should i say ex now, which i'd rather not..basically made me feel like shit. I understand why he had to end it, he didnt want to hurt me anymore because of his depression. and seeing him breakdown today just hurt me more. I feel like i fucking ruined him. even though this had nothing to do with me. I wish he'd understand that i was willing to put up with his shit and be there for him when he felt like complete garbage, even though he is not. I feel so low right now I don't know what it is but I hurt. I hurt really bad. Its not only the breakup, its just. everything. You have no idea what I'd do for a joint right about now. basically nobody can help me. i really wanted to tell him how i felt but i just mumbled random shit and sounded like a retard. I did care about him. I still do, I want to help him, I want to see him. Basically my month is ruined. I don't know why i thought this would last. He really had me convinced and i wish he'd atleast try. I can't even explain how i feel about anything right now. all the ibuprofen in the world couldnt help me right now.[you wouldnt get it] this is all bullshit. but atleast i can write about something real. not some humanities paper bullshit about a movie that makles no sense at all. I hope he gets better. thats all i want. i want him to feel the same way again. how i feel about him. I suck at relationships. I wish i didnt feel like complete shit. no matter how many times he tells me its not my fault..well..i still feel like it is. I just hope he gets better and we can try this. i really want to.

i just needed to do this shit, i dont expect pity, i dont want any from anybody.

ahh.

school SUCKS.

wow interesting summer let me say

i know i haven't updated in awhile but im back

lets recap shall we?

ahem

1.my mom DID move in with another guy and they are now a couple...

2.she took me to her new house and decided to tell me #1 the 2nd day i was there!

3.i feel shitty

4.i went to ocean city and went to a club called h2o

5.i got to see my friend that i havent seen in 11 years

6.i meet a lot of new friends over the summer

7.when i had to meet that guy my mom lives with i got scared and pissed and demanded that my mom would drive me to winchester (hour away where georginas va house is)at once

8.my bday sucked

9.i got glowstick liqued in my eye and it hurt

10.i waited for someone to comeover yesterday so i wasted my day for nothing because they ditched me

11.i've become more quiet

12.im leaving for texas on friday and dont know when ill be back

13.warped tour was fun

14.gerard way was sexy as hell

15.i almost passed out twice

16.once during mcr

17.i got sunburn

18.i was called worthless today

19.i found my new favorite song today

20.i love you all who decide to read or comment this

more happened i just dont feel like typing it all.

<3